|
Post by Admin on Nov 21, 2019 12:52:53 GMT
Chapter 3 & 4 1. The authors talk about starting with heart, discuss how easy or challenging this is for you and what you do to “start with heart.” 2. What happens when we don’t clearly outline what we want for ourselves, others and the relationship? 3. For people who are skillful in having crucial conversations- what are they constantly monitoring? How does this help in having successful conversations? How can you start doing this? 4. Take the “Style Under Stress Test” and score it. Pgs. 63-71 in your book. Talk about it in the shout box or on the thread. I also placed the online link for the test in the outlook invite. I cannot link to a corporate website in this forum.
Some of you want to have some live conversation in the forum. In the SHOUT BOX at the bottom of this thread start typing. The SHOUT BOX will feel like you are texting with someone. Practicing tagging someone by typing the @ sign and their user name. To see their username hold your cursor over their last post. If everyone set up there notifications, they will receive notification whenever someone is tagging you.
1. What is your Style Under Stress? Is it the same at work as it is at home? Did your responses resonate with you? Now that you have this assessment of your style, what will you do with the information?
|
|
|
Post by Clorise King on Nov 21, 2019 14:14:56 GMT
To start with heart you have to ask yourself the three questions, what do I want to accomplish, what do I want for others and what do I want for the relationship. If you do not outline clearly what you want for yourself it is easy to get off topic and let your emotions take over now all you want to do is win the argument. People who are successful at crucial conversations consistently look at things from other points of view and try to find the elusive and. My scores for style under stress were pretty good I am pretty much the same at home as I am at work as far as communicating although I do need to work on my move to action. Now that I know this I have to keep it in the back of my mind so when I am having a crucial conversation I can adjust and move to action about things. I never really paid attention to this before. I guess you don't know what you don't know.
|
|
|
Post by Tonja Fischer on Nov 21, 2019 18:11:10 GMT
Tonja Fischer is online - couldn't get logged in so I am as a guest. Really liked chapter 3 and the message about starting with heart and also the content about work on me first, us second. This is something that I have really focused on over the past year.
|
|
|
Post by Tonja Fischer on Nov 21, 2019 18:42:52 GMT
I would say in regards to starting with heart, it is something I am getting better at as I have really focused on this over the past year or so in my professional development, but there is definitely room for growth yet. I think the thing I do most to start with heart is to prepare mentally and try to anticipate. Those who are successful in having crucial conversations are able to not make it personal and always listen and consider other points of views/opinions. I also believe those who are successful recognize the bigger picture and recognize not only the content but also the conditions.
|
|
|
Post by butlerme17 on Nov 21, 2019 19:18:59 GMT
1. The authors talk about starting with heart, discuss how easy or challenging this is for you. How are you going to work on starting with heart if this doesn’t come easily to you? a. Continuing to stay focused on what we ‘really want’ and the goal of the team/organization.
2. What happens when we don’t clearly outline what we want for ourselves, others and the relationship? a. It can turn into a heated discussion with high emotions that ends up no longer being focused on the goal or what we really want. Instead becomes about something else such as ‘winning’.
3. For people who are skillful in having crucial conversations- what are they constantly monitoring? How does this help in having successful conversations? How can you start doing this? a. When safety is at risk. Everyone must feel safe to be fully engaged in fluid communication and contributing to the shared pool of knowledge. I think I can improve on this by always being mindful of this. I think I am very mindful of this with clients, staff, and peers. However, may become less mindful of this with those in higher ranking titles and identifying when their reactions may because they do not feel safe. I then need to examine myself and self assess how I may (or may not) be contributing to them feeling unsafe.
Sorry for the late post! Ended up unexpectedly out with a sick kiddo!
|
|
amya
New Member
Posts: 8
|
Post by amya on Nov 24, 2019 14:59:47 GMT
Chapter 3 reminded me of the importance of self-reflection. Understanding that I can only control me - not the situation, nor what others are thinking. In some cases, it's simple to know what I want or don't want to come from a situation, but there are others that aren't that easy. In these cases, I find myself thinking out loud often with colleagues and/or family to help me sort through situations. I find that as I do that I have to be really clear in stating that I'm still processing and appreciate the time to figure it out. I find that we are talking about the content of the situation but I am also trying to intentionally pay attention to the behaviors of myself and others as we flush a situation out. The non verbal behaviors speak louder than the words and can provide a gauge for how my thoughts/actions are impacting others.
When we are not clear about what we want I think it becomes easy to fall into trying to "win" the vote of others or simply argue "better." The focus falls off of the purpose of the conversation - leading to lots of talk and not a lot of action, or long conversations with people leaving wondering if anything came out of that meeting...
People who are skilled at having crucial conversations are paying attention to the temperature of the room, or the conditions - what are the things that are silencing people, or causing emotional reactions. People skilled at crucial conversations create safe spaces for people to contribute. People skilled at these conversations leave open space for others to comment, with time allowed to think (when asking if anyone has questions, they actually allow the 30 seconds or so for you to formulate your question). People skilled at these conversations do a lot of listening and often less talking.
|
|
|
Post by chelseythill on Nov 25, 2019 16:51:55 GMT
1. The authors talk about starting with heart, discuss how easy or challenging this is for you and what you do to “start with heart.”
It's so surprise to me that when I finally get going in a conversation, I use a lot of active listening skills, trauma-informed care principals, and a genuine desire to always be empathetic to navigate the conversation. It's also no surprise to me that getting started is the hardest part! Having a framework of questions to organize in advance means there's now a moment when I can feel "Done" and "Ready" to open the door to the conversation, and it's this feeling-prepared piece that is the most valuable part of my learning process. 2. What happens when we don’t clearly outline what we want for ourselves, others and the relationship? For me, I build a mountain out of what is probably a molehill! If I don't structure the boundaries of, this is what I'm looking for, these are my limits, then I spiral into all the what-ifs before I can even start the conversation, and it traps me in that Fool's Choice stage. 3. For people who are skillful in having crucial conversations- what are they constantly monitoring? How does this help in having successful conversations? How can you start doing this? Once I get in the conversation, I think for the most part, I do a great job of navigating. I'm naturally an empathetic person, constantly connection-seeking, and I've had some really strong training in active listening skills. I don't tend to attack or control others, if anything, I lose sight of my own goals and boundaries in conversations. I guess, this would be something to work on, making sure the flow of information isn't just one-way, in my attempt to be empathetic! 4. Take the “Style Under Stress Test” and score it. Pgs. 63-71 in your book. Talk about it in the shout box or on the thread. The test matched pretty clearly with what I already know about myself, which for some reason made me immediately suspicious. IS IT VALID IF I AGREE WITH IT? I guess I'm overly wary of confirmation bias, but I did already take it once, so maybe it's just confirming that I still have bad habits that I really need to focus on in order to get away from the Fool's Choice.
|
|