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Post by Admin on Jan 8, 2020 20:13:45 GMT
Question #2 will be discussed in the live chat section called the Shout Box in the online forum. The other questions will be a typical post as usual.
1. When we care about something, how are we likely to express ourselves? The answer explains why we need to STATE our Path:
a. Share our facts
b. Tell our story
c. Ask for other’s paths (facts and stories)
d. Talk Tentatively
e. Encourage testing
Why is it important to start with the facts? Why not just start with the story? Why share the story at all? How should we share our story? Why is it important to ask others to share their path? Has anyone tried this? How did it work?
2. When others attack us verbally, what part of their Path to Action do they typically share? How do we help them share what they are thinking? Has anyone tried this approach?
3. What are we trying to do when use our AMPP skills? (Ask, Mirror, Paraphrase, and Prime) Has anyone tried using these skills?
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Post by rachele on Jan 9, 2020 14:53:00 GMT
1. When we care about something, I think it is natural for us to become emotional and passionate about what we are sharing. Emotion and passion can come across in different ways, depending on who the receiver is and what their perspective is on the same topic. The book talks about being genuine and ‘starting with the heart’, which is intended to allow for a pause in emotions and (hopefully) to prevent acting out the worst version of the story, which would be counterproductive of a crucial conversation. STATE provides the ‘what’ to do and the ‘how’ to do it.
Starting with facts is important as they are non-negotiable. Facts give the base of the conversation and a starting point to build off. But using facts alone does not allow for either ‘side’ of the story to be conveyed or communicated. Again, when sharing our story, we should start with the heart, but balance this with being open, honest, direct- not too harsh and not too soft. It is important to allow others to share their path, as this adds to the pool of understanding and helps to allow for people to feel safe in terms of having open and honest conversations. I have tried this with my teenaged daughter. It went well, as it allowed her to feel heard and though I was genuinely listening to her story. The rest of our conversation was much more free flowing, open and she seemed to be invested as a result.
3. When using the AMPP approach we are trying to invite and encourage others to share their story. The intent is to make it feel safe enough for them to want to share their story. As a child protection Social Worker I use this kind of an approach with families that I work with almost daily. The kinds of conversations that I have with families are almost always crucial conversations. As I reflect on the many conversations I have had, I would say that the most moving and effective piece of the AMPP process in these situations is ‘mirror’ piece. Often I use this as a stepping stone to demonstrate that I am invested in the conversation and am paying attention to the details in the parents words, thoughts and actions. This investment seems to promote the feeling that it is safe for them to share their side of the story. I find it effective to be direct with parents when I am seeing and hearing two different things. This allows for parents to feel open to share more of their story.
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amya
New Member
Posts: 8
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Post by amya on Jan 9, 2020 14:57:32 GMT
When we care about something, too often we jump to telling our story, generally filled with lots of emotion. Emotion gets in the way of thinking clearly and and sharing the facts that have lead up to the story we've created. We've learned too, that once we start telling our story, our mind has filled in many missing facts with one of a variety of things could actually be true. I think this is also happening to the person we are sharing our story with - they are filling in the missing pieces from the story we are telling, making it a big mess.
Starting with the facts makes the conversation less judgmental and paves the way for open conversation. I really like the idea of putting some ownership on the person initiating the conversation to invite the other person to share their path. I think it can often be the case that I've put a lot of time into thinking through how I'll approach a conversation without remembering that the other person didn't have all that prep time and depending on their processing style may not be quick to respond. When I take the initiative to invite that other perspective, it creates space for them. I have use the next part of this often, talking tentatively. When I "wonder" rather than assuming my story for fact, it opens dialogue.
Using AMPP skills - this chapter is giving me some needed pep and skills to have a necessary conversation. The current situation is that I have invited another person to share their story and they are stuck in silence with actions clearly showing they are not okay. I am working toward getting ready to use the mirroring technique hoping that it will make a safe place to allow this person to share their feelings. These are really excellent strategies and now I just have to find the right time and place within the working environment to initiate another conversation.
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Post by Luz Scott on Jan 9, 2020 17:34:00 GMT
1. When we care about something, how are we likely to express ourselves?
I am learning that we express ourselves according to our feelings and how we see and think about people and topics. Our facts are just that our facts, we must be very careful to ensure what we hold to be fact is actual facts and not the story we told ourselves. I learn more about myself as we dive into this book, that I have to work on the real story. I have to learn to listen to others more attentively and talk less in order to help foster a safe environment.
it is very important to start with the facts, they allow us to see things for what they are and not what we think they may be. When you start with your story you may tend to isolate others from expressing themselves. when you allow others to speak and express themselves it may change your story.
When we share our story we must be honest with ourselves, check in our emotions and thought about what ever topic is be discussed, examine our intentions and our desired outcomes. What are we really trying to communicate and think about the other person before we say something that might come off judgmental. If you don't know ask? I have to admit that this an area I have work on.
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Post by kingcl on Jan 9, 2020 17:40:02 GMT
Question #2 will be discussed in the live chat section called the Shout Box in the online forum. The other questions will be a typical post as usual.
1. When we care about something, how are we likely to express ourselves? The answer explains why we need to STATE our Path:
a. Share our facts
b. Tell our story
c. Ask for other’s paths (facts and stories)
d. Talk Tentatively
e. Encourage testing
Why is it important to start with the facts? Why not just start with the story? Why share the story at all? How should we share our story? Why is it important to ask others to share their path? Has anyone tried this? How did it work?
2. When others attack us verbally, what part of their Path to Action do they typically share? How do we help them share what they are thinking? Has anyone tried this approach?
3. What are we trying to do when use our AMPP skills? (Ask, Mirror, Paraphrase, and Prime) Has anyone tried using these skills?
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Post by kingcl on Jan 9, 2020 18:12:34 GMT
1. When we care about something because we care we are more likely to express ourselves because of the emotion. It is important to start with the facts because it sets the tone for feeling comfortable for the other party to share in the conversation. We would not start with the story because it could make the other party uncomfortable and have them arguing (sometime defensively) instead of conversating to get to a common goal. It is still important to share the story because it is your true feeling as long as you start with the facts the story tells how the facts impacted you(in my own words). When we share our story we have to be honest with ourselves or it can come off as us not being genuine which would make the other party not comfortable with the conversation. It is important to have others state their paths to hear their side of the conversation to get another point of view and to get to the outcome that is both hopefully agreed upon. I try to see things from other points of view first before conversating with someone but I always want the other person to share information. To me all information is good information. It teaches you what to do or what not to do.
3. When we use AMPP we are trying to get the other person to be comfortable enough to tell their story. I must admit that I do not use all of these techniques but I do ask, and paraphrase.
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Post by saraconrad on Jan 9, 2020 18:12:49 GMT
1. I agree with the previous points about the importance of emotion and passion. When it comes to putting facts first, I think this is important to keep focused before adding the emotion. Emotion can be easily unharnessed. But if we start with the facts, we have some guidance for where the story/emotion can take us.
It's important to hear others' paths, too, because it's very possible that others have emotions wrapped up in the topic as well. You can't focus solely on the facts without the basis that comes from sharing the story.
I haven't seen this happen very much, which is disappointing. I have used this with a board of directors, though, because people get VERY passionate about things in that setting. I love to set the stage with facts, talk about my thoughts/story, and then include all voices that want to share their paths as well.
3. As an attorney/advocate, so often my clients just wanted their voices heard. It wasn't necessarily about winning an argument or case. They just wanted an opportunity to share their stories. Even clients who couldn't articulate that want/need often found it more empowering to share their stories than to actually win a case. It's important for people to be included in discussions. Sharing the story allows individuals to be emotionally connected, but it also helps put a sense of peace or calmness into the discussion, case, or whatever, which often matters more to the participants than whether or not they completely agree with the outcome. It's an interesting way to look at compromises or results.
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Post by Luz Scott on Jan 9, 2020 18:25:14 GMT
1. When we care about something because we care we are more likely to express ourselves because of the emotion. It is important to start with the facts because it sets the tone for feeling comfortable for the other party to share in the conversation. We would not start with the story because it could make the other party uncomfortable and have them arguing (sometime defensively) instead of conversating to get to a common goal. It is still important to share the story because it is your true feeling as long as you start with the facts the story tells how the facts impacted you(in my own words). When we share our story we have to be honest with ourselves or it can come off as us not being genuine which would make the other party not comfortable with the conversation. It is important to have others state their paths to hear their side of the conversation to get another point of view and to get to the outcome that is both hopefully agreed upon. I try to see things from other points of view first before conversating with someone but I always want the other person to share information. To me all information is good information. It teaches you what to do or what not to do. 3. When we use AMPP we are trying to get the other person to be comfortable enough to tell their story. I must admit that I do not use all of these techniques but I do ask, and paraphrase. |
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