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Post by katiep on Oct 31, 2019 12:35:55 GMT
Morning,
1. Briefly provide an example of a crucial conversation you have had. (Remember, no identifying or confidential information should be posted!). A brief example would be "I needed to provide a critique of a colleague's work."
I have had to have conversations with my in-laws relating to how my partner and i raise our child / their choices / listening / etc.
2. Talk about how you handled that type of conversation. Were you on your worst behavior, your best- what made it challenging and why do you think it did or didn't go well?
The conversations take time and communication between me and my partner prior to actually engaging in the conversation with my in-laws. The relationship is very different than that i experience with my own parents so i can get frustrated easily. its taken time and work to try to understand how their family works and communicates and instead of rushing in there it works better for me to support my partner in handling difficult conversations. Over time and discussion about which conversations went well and which didn't we've started to learn how to approach them without making them defensive or hurting their feelings.
3. The author's talk about dialogue and defines it as the free flow of meaning between two or more people. How can we create a shared pool of meaning? Why is it important to a crucial conversation?
Actively listening to one another is something that i think limits a lot of the free flow of meaning. we either practice 'not talking' where we are quiet but planning what we are going to say next or talking. in a crucial conversation actively hearing what the person is saying and not jumping into what you had planned to say allows you to take the time to understand the situation and I also think it helps to minimize our emotional reactions.
4. Tell the group about one person you have met or witnessed have a crucial conversation that went really well. What were the qualities of the conversation and person that made this go well?
a boss/supervisor took the time to repeat back what they heard the heated employee saying and asked them follow up questions. As the boss engaged the employee with questions around the situation they became less heated and started to make statements that were more grounded in reality ex: less ALWAYS / NEVER statements. after that we were all able to have a conversation together about how to move forward.
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Post by katiep on Oct 31, 2019 12:38:31 GMT
I had a visit with a person recently and thought things went well only to get back to my office and receive a long email about all the ways this person had thought I had “done them wrong”. It made me re think the conversation and when I talked to them again I attempted to be sure I was stating things in a way so they would not be miss construed. The second visit went ok I thought. Then again I received an e-mail with concerns. Although I realize this can happen, it is not something I typically experience. The level of bitterness in the e-mail was a shock and it made me question my techniques. I am hoping this book can give me some insight into ways I can do a better job of communicating with this person. I need to find a way to a shared pool of meaning for my next conversations with her. Jody, I really like how you are using those experiences to help you reflect on how your behavior may or may not be contributing to someones experience. I think that shows amazing insight and person growth! People can be so quick to blame and move on. |
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Post by katiep on Oct 31, 2019 12:41:37 GMT
I recently had a meeting with an agency to discuss their poor performance on a monitoring. The agency had multiple performance issues and I was meeting directly with the staff who are responsible for the oversight and quality assurance of the program. Overall, the conversation went well. I was direct and honest about the errors and patterns I saw occurring at the agency. While I gave them direct feedback, I was also prepared with ideas and solutions to help address the issues I was seeing. During the meeting I was also able to focus on other areas that the agency was performing well in. I drew from their areas of strength to find solutions. Being prepared with solutions and offering positive feedback helped the agency accept the more difficult feedback. I’m interested in seeing how the book expands upon the shared pool of meaning and dialogue concepts. I believe in order to create a shared pool of meaning we need to create and environment where you feel “safe” so to speak to have open and honest conversations. I have witnessed a few crucial conversations lately between my colleagues addressing a variety of topics. The overall theme of the ones that go well has been direct and honest communication and being solution focused. I like that you were prepared with positive feedback. That old teacher saying of Sandwich bad news can work in a lot of situations. sometimes when people hear the negative it can be hard to think of solutions so helping get that conversation started is great. I think we could also go too far with being prepared and maybe limit ourselves to the ideas we came with as opposed to being flexible to the situation? |
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Post by kingcl on Oct 31, 2019 13:57:27 GMT
Recently I had to sit down with my family and have a discussion about our household and things that were going on. I must admit that I was on my best behavior in this discussion. Everyone had there own issues and they were all bringing it to the table in this discussion. This meeting went exceptionally well although it had the potential to be devastating to the household because I live there and have to see everyone everyday. We discussed some very heated topics but the one thing that we were in agreement on was that we wanted to address our concerns and not only address them but attempt to find solutions that work for everyone. I think because we were all on the same page of wanting the same thing it made the conversation go smoothly we were able to have the free flow conversation with each other. I can admit when a person was addressing there concerns it would begin to get a little heated however because we knew that we were going to address a solution it kind of curved most of the emotion. It really helped that everyone was there to listen with an open mind as well. I believe that was key to the conversation. My son was amazing in the conversation he was paraphrasing issues back to us and telling us others points of view to see things and it added clarity to the issues that were brought to the table. it made us see at least somewhat what the other person was seeing and it made more sense that way, which helped everything go smoothly.
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Post by bridget on Oct 31, 2019 14:42:02 GMT
I recently had a meeting with an agency to discuss their poor performance on a monitoring. The agency had multiple performance issues and I was meeting directly with the staff who are responsible for the oversight and quality assurance of the program. Overall, the conversation went well. I was direct and honest about the errors and patterns I saw occurring at the agency. While I gave them direct feedback, I was also prepared with ideas and solutions to help address the issues I was seeing. During the meeting I was also able to focus on other areas that the agency was performing well in. I drew from their areas of strength to find solutions. Being prepared with solutions and offering positive feedback helped the agency accept the more difficult feedback. I’m interested in seeing how the book expands upon the shared pool of meaning and dialogue concepts. I believe in order to create a shared pool of meaning we need to create and environment where you feel “safe” so to speak to have open and honest conversations. I have witnessed a few crucial conversations lately between my colleagues addressing a variety of topics. The overall theme of the ones that go well has been direct and honest communication and being solution focused. I agree wholeheartedly about the need to draw from strengths and be well-prepared and solution-focused. It's always easier to focus on solutions when you know the conversation is not intended to be a simple list of what was wrong or an attack filled with emotion because someone is having a rough day. With that in mind, I think preparation must play a large role if working toward a shared pool of meaning in a dialogue. |
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Post by bridget on Oct 31, 2019 14:49:23 GMT
I recently had a meeting with an agency to discuss their poor performance on a monitoring. The agency had multiple performance issues and I was meeting directly with the staff who are responsible for the oversight and quality assurance of the program. Overall, the conversation went well. I was direct and honest about the errors and patterns I saw occurring at the agency. While I gave them direct feedback, I was also prepared with ideas and solutions to help address the issues I was seeing. During the meeting I was also able to focus on other areas that the agency was performing well in. I drew from their areas of strength to find solutions. Being prepared with solutions and offering positive feedback helped the agency accept the more difficult feedback. I’m interested in seeing how the book expands upon the shared pool of meaning and dialogue concepts. I believe in order to create a shared pool of meaning we need to create and environment where you feel “safe” so to speak to have open and honest conversations. I have witnessed a few crucial conversations lately between my colleagues addressing a variety of topics. The overall theme of the ones that go well has been direct and honest communication and being solution focused. I like that you were prepared with positive feedback. That old teacher saying of Sandwich bad news can work in a lot of situations. sometimes when people hear the negative it can be hard to think of solutions so helping get that conversation started is great. I think we could also go too far with being prepared and maybe limit ourselves to the ideas we came with as opposed to being flexible to the situation? That's an excellent point to consider - overpreparing can lead to essentially closing our active listening and/or perspective-taking abilities. Hmmm... |
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Post by bridget on Oct 31, 2019 14:53:16 GMT
Recently I had to sit down with my family and have a discussion about our household and things that were going on. I must admit that I was on my best behavior in this discussion. Everyone had there own issues and they were all bringing it to the table in this discussion. This meeting went exceptionally well although it had the potential to be devastating to the household because I live there and have to see everyone everyday. We discussed some very heated topics but the one thing that we were in agreement on was that we wanted to address our concerns and not only address them but attempt to find solutions that work for everyone. I think because we were all on the same page of wanting the same thing it made the conversation go smoothly we were able to have the free flow conversation with each other. I can admit when a person was addressing there concerns it would begin to get a little heated however because we knew that we were going to address a solution it kind of curved most of the emotion. It really helped that everyone was there to listen with an open mind as well. I believe that was key to the conversation. My son was amazing in the conversation he was paraphrasing issues back to us and telling us others points of view to see things and it added clarity to the issues that were brought to the table. it made us see at least somewhat what the other person was seeing and it made more sense that way, which helped everything go smoothly. This is so familiar - kudos to you for having taught your son to paraphrase and reflect! He's already far beyond in his conversational skills than many adults and it's likely because you have done the work to model those patterns of communication and have helped him practice them. I've been working on this with my 8 and 11 year old, and can see some of the fruits of my labor already, but we have a long way to go! Nice parenting! |
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Post by rachele on Oct 31, 2019 16:35:14 GMT
Hello all,
I am Rachele and am interning with DCF BRO NERO at the Green Bay location.
1. Briefly provide an example of a crucial conversation you have had. (Remember, no identifying or confidential information should be posted!). A brief example would be “I needed to provide a critique of a colleague’s work.”
• I needed to discuss a relationship issue with a family member.
2. Talk about how you handled that type of conversation. Were you on your worst behavior, your best- what made it challenging and why do you think it did or didn’t go well?
• I think I vacillated between my worst and best behavior, depending on the emotions that I was feeling at each moment during the conversation. It was challenging to try and begin the conversation because I was prepared and expecting that my family member would be defensive and shut down, not participate in the conversation at all. I think, in hindsight, that my expectation contributed to the way I engaged in the conversation. I feel like it went well, in that I was able to speak openly and directly, identify the problem and invite the family member to discuss the difficult topic of conversation. In my mind, my intent was to work through any barriers and struggles with in the relationship and overall communication with this person.
3. The author’s talk about dialogue and defines it as the free flow of meaning between two or more people. How can we create a shared pool of meaning? Why is it important to a crucial conversation?
• The primary focus and contributor to creating a shared pool of meaning is that it is necessary for everyone to participate in the conversation to share their meaning. The more “meanings” or perspectives that are openly shared, the deeper the pool of meaning, thus the better equipped the group is at making the best choice moving forward. I believe this is important to the idea of crucial conversations as there is a higher likelihood of engaging in the crucial conversation from a place of understanding of the other participants perspective on the issue of discussion.
4. Tell the group about one person you have met or witnessed have a crucial conversation that went well. What were the qualities of the conversation and person that made this go well?
• One crucial conversation comes to mind. It was a critical conversation regarding a person who was going through the dying process. The medical team engaged in this crucial conversation with the family in efforts to prepare them for the passing and loss. They were direct and informative, yet full of empathy and understanding for the difficulty that the family was experiencing. Equally, the conversation had components that met each family member where they were at in the acceptance of that their family member was in the process of dying. There were not efforts to convince family members of the close proximity of the death, but rather they used information to help with understanding the process. This allowed each family member their own timing and acceptance of the impending loss of their loved one.
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Post by kmvanhoof on Oct 31, 2019 16:35:57 GMT
Recently I had to sit down with my family and have a discussion about our household and things that were going on. I must admit that I was on my best behavior in this discussion. Everyone had there own issues and they were all bringing it to the table in this discussion. This meeting went exceptionally well although it had the potential to be devastating to the household because I live there and have to see everyone everyday. We discussed some very heated topics but the one thing that we were in agreement on was that we wanted to address our concerns and not only address them but attempt to find solutions that work for everyone. I think because we were all on the same page of wanting the same thing it made the conversation go smoothly we were able to have the free flow conversation with each other. I can admit when a person was addressing there concerns it would begin to get a little heated however because we knew that we were going to address a solution it kind of curved most of the emotion. It really helped that everyone was there to listen with an open mind as well. I believe that was key to the conversation. My son was amazing in the conversation he was paraphrasing issues back to us and telling us others points of view to see things and it added clarity to the issues that were brought to the table. it made us see at least somewhat what the other person was seeing and it made more sense that way, which helped everything go smoothly. This is so familiar - kudos to you for having taught your son to paraphrase and reflect! He's already far beyond in his conversational skills than many adults and it's likely because you have done the work to model those patterns of communication and have helped him practice them. I've been working on this with my 8 and 11 year old, and can see some of the fruits of my labor already, but we have a long way to go! Nice parenting! These skills as so universal that we can use in work life and at home. It is so important for us to listen but then also be sure we are hearing the person correctly. These ideas are great nuggets to share as well. Thanks for sharing! |
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Post by rachele on Oct 31, 2019 16:52:45 GMT
I recently had a meeting with an agency to discuss their poor performance on a monitoring. The agency had multiple performance issues and I was meeting directly with the staff who are responsible for the oversight and quality assurance of the program. Overall, the conversation went well. I was direct and honest about the errors and patterns I saw occurring at the agency. While I gave them direct feedback, I was also prepared with ideas and solutions to help address the issues I was seeing. During the meeting I was also able to focus on other areas that the agency was performing well in. I drew from their areas of strength to find solutions. Being prepared with solutions and offering positive feedback helped the agency accept the more difficult feedback. I’m interested in seeing how the book expands upon the shared pool of meaning and dialogue concepts. I believe in order to create a shared pool of meaning we need to create and environment where you feel “safe” so to speak to have open and honest conversations. I have witnessed a few crucial conversations lately between my colleagues addressing a variety of topics. The overall theme of the ones that go well has been direct and honest communication and being solution focused. I like that you were prepared with positive feedback. That old teacher saying of Sandwich bad news can work in a lot of situations. sometimes when people hear the negative it can be hard to think of solutions so helping get that conversation started is great. I think we could also go too far with being prepared and maybe limit ourselves to the ideas we came with as opposed to being flexible to the situation? I think this speaks to that each person can have their own perception of the experience of the 'same' situation as another person. This is where coming from a place of not knowing or seeking to understand is important. We, as human beings, do not know what each person has experienced on any given day, or the trials and tribulations experienced throughout our lives thus far. Often times I have learned that the reactions or emotions of another person, related to a conversation or interaction that we shared, is primarily rooted in that persons own struggles, resulting from a trigger or something else. I think that crucial conversations that are successful have an empathetic tone and come from a genuine place. Word choice matters. |
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Post by butlerme17 on Oct 31, 2019 16:53:30 GMT
1. Briefly provide an example of a crucial conversation you have had.
As a leader, you end up having a lot of crucial conversations all the time. One of the more memorable crucial conversations that come to mind is the first performance review for an employee I had only recently started working with. I talked with their past leader about concerns with performance, but one the evaluation time came I realized those concerns with performance that had been occurring for years were not document. I was about to be the first to tell her some very difficult information I anticipated she would not receive well.
2. Talk about how you handled that type of conversation. Were you on your worst behavior, your best- what made it challenging and why do you think it did or didn’t go well?
I was able to remain calm, stick to the facts, and get across information in a way that was solution focused. The conversation went well initially, but toward the end she became emotionally upset, defensive, tried to deflect, and abruptly ended the meeting. It was challenging to keep her engaged as she became emotional and I found myself for a moment getting defensive when she deflected and accused me of the same type of performance I was depicting. Once she had time to process, she came back apologizing and open to discussing further. I took seriously her concerns this had never been told to her by going back to the past leader to have them review and validate information. I don’t believe the initially conversation necessarily went well. However, this open the door for communication and ultimately professional improvement. She was able to grow substantially over the coming years.
3. The author’s talk about dialogue and defines it as the free flow of meaning between two or more people. How can we create a shared pool of meaning? Why is it important to a crucial conversation?
By being respectful, soliciting feedback from everyone, and ultimately striving to create an environment where everyone feels safe to share all the time. It is essential because otherwise we make uninformed decisions, which ultimately may not be the best or right decisions if all the information was shared and considered. In addition, there is not commitment from the team and there can be other implications (such as low morale) if they either didn’t feel comfortable being able to share their thoughts/opinions.
4. Tell the group about one person you have met or witnessed have a crucial conversation that went well. What were the qualities of the conversation and person that made this go well?
My past trainer that did the Crucial Conversations training was also a leadership mentor to pretty much all. She was able to always in any situation speak openly, honestly, and respectful. As a result she earned respect and was able to continually create the ‘safe’ space for free flow of meaning any time she entered a room.
Jess – I completely agree I am very concerned about other that are not reading and being given this information. On our leadership team, I feel there are many barriers to dialogue and the free flow of meaning. I do not foresee these barriers being broken down without some changes such as sharing and implementing this model.
Justineg – I couldn’t agree more that it is essential that we create a safe environment for sharing if we are going to get others to contribute to the sharing pool of meaning.
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Post by kmvanhoof on Oct 31, 2019 16:58:29 GMT
I recently met with an agency who has continued to struggle with various aspects of practice. I was pretty well prepared for the conversation, so I feel that was one of the reasons it went well. I think it also went well because of the relationships I have made with these staff over time. The process flowed well and we stuck to our agenda and areas/topic to be sure to cover everything in the time given. At various times in the meeting we discussed the benchmarks that needed improvement and brainstormed ideas that may help. The Supervisor provided empathy to her staff that were doing the best work given the circumstances. The shared pool provides all individuals involved have the ability and share their thoughts and feelings in a mutual and respected environment.
One crucial conversation that comes to mind is a friend who was running the girl scout troop for my daughter. She brought parents together to address some behavior concerns that were happening in the meetings. She gathered input from all attendees and solicited solutions. Everyone remained open minded and we ended with a plan of action supported by all parties.
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Post by rachele on Oct 31, 2019 16:59:08 GMT
I recently had a conversation with a past colleague when we discussed a policy that had been implemented at my previous employee. As the colleague critiqued the policy that I had agreed with, I could feel my own emotions rising. I was able to recognize my own internal cues which helped me to think through my response, which was to listen and simply acknowledge the thoughts of the other person. I had a lot to say but had to think about the intent and purpose of the conversation. After quickly thinking this through, I went ahead and thanked the person for their perspective and shared mine by continuing to acknowledge the importance of multiple perspectives. I also added that I didn't think we had to necessarily agree, and was glad to be able to hear her views. When the author talks about a shared pool of meaning, I understand this as important because it allows us to get at the genuine feelings and ideas others have, which can make the work we do much richer and productive. When there are several people within the work space who are working to create those safe spaces for thoughtful conversation to occur, the work gets better and people feel valued. When I think of the people who have these conversations and they go really well, I see/hear active listening, acknowledgement, and genuine interest in the topic and perspective. I agree that often times taking a moment to think through the purpose and intent behind a conversation and try to simply listen to the other person, without necessarily thinking about being in agreement, or not, or what we are going to say next is all that is needed in that moment. It sounds like you were able to be genuine and honest, which seemed to have been received well by the other person, despite that the two of you did not necessarily share perspectives or opinions. I think coming from a place of understanding is key. |
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Post by kingcl on Oct 31, 2019 16:59:44 GMT
I recently had a meeting with an agency to discuss their poor performance on a monitoring. The agency had multiple performance issues and I was meeting directly with the staff who are responsible for the oversight and quality assurance of the program. Overall, the conversation went well. I was direct and honest about the errors and patterns I saw occurring at the agency. While I gave them direct feedback, I was also prepared with ideas and solutions to help address the issues I was seeing. During the meeting I was also able to focus on other areas that the agency was performing well in. I drew from their areas of strength to find solutions. Being prepared with solutions and offering positive feedback helped the agency accept the more difficult feedback. I’m interested in seeing how the book expands upon the shared pool of meaning and dialogue concepts. I believe in order to create a shared pool of meaning we need to create and environment where you feel “safe” so to speak to have open and honest conversations. I have witnessed a few crucial conversations lately between my colleagues addressing a variety of topics. The overall theme of the ones that go well has been direct and honest communication and being solution focused. Although you stated that you were hoping that the book helps, it sounds as if the other person was not communicating effectively. The reason I say this is because the person never expressed concerns in what was said while you were talking and instead sent an email t you afterwards. There is no reason to wait if there is concern express the concern so that it can be discussed. It takes two to communicate effectively one is the sender the other is the receiver, if the receiver has confusion and is not expressing the confusion at the time of the conversation this is where the break down occurred. I say that to say from what I read it sounds as if the confusion is coming from the other party. I am hoping that the book helps me communicate with individuals like this as well. |
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Post by kingcl on Oct 31, 2019 17:05:47 GMT
Last month I was asked to edit a Policy Analyst's response to a question for a member of management. This analyst is newer and had lots of what I would call "pet peeves" this particular manager has in her response. I am not a policy analyst, so I worried about stepping on her toes but did not want her to get a negative management response. I also did not want to taint the newer staff to my own biases on this manager's "pet peeves" so I added comments through track changes and then went over to her desk and told her that if she had questions to come chat with me. I also did not include notes on pet peeves because I was unsure if that was just my experience. I felt through track changes I was able to keep opinion and emotion out of the conversation. I think it went well as she expressed gratitude for my feedback and was not offended by the large number of comments/edits. The concept of Shared Pool of meaning was interesting to me as I felt those of us having this community of learning experience will appreciate the intention of that term. I do worry those not reading this book will be left with uninformed opinions on what that term means... I witnessed a member of management have a tough conversation with a colleague regarding their lack of attention to detail.... that's how she put it... when it could have gone very wrong by stating they were not doing their job well. She stressed the importance of the detail and gave examples of how in the past that employee did well with this. She asked what they thought was preventing them from accomplishing this attention to detail. It was great. The employee was not offended but understood the importance and requirement of change without being put down. I think the first step in communication is thinking about your response and how it will possibly affect the other party(just my opinion). I like that you took the other party into consideration and sent the feedback to her in a positive manner that help with her corrections and left out your own personal biases that is what was most important. Good job, I am sure she appreciated it as well. |
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